Girl Talk...

Something I have noticed lately after being in this world for just over 36 years is that men and women are different.   I am a bit slow I know!!  On a physical level it is clearly very obvious but in the way we think, communicate, interpret information and act we truly are most often living in two very different worlds.   I don't speak for all men or women here and this is all a simple generalisation based on my perception of the world, studies and personal experience.  The problem I see is that as women we want a masculine, focused, strong man who protects us and provides yet we expect him to be all soft and emotional and be able to communicate his inner most deep and meaningful thoughts at the same time.  I know there are some guys out there who have mastered or are in the process of mastering the art of understanding girl talk but the point is, we often expect men to be able to understand girl talk and the language of deep and meaningful conversations at the expense of current or future possiblities. Don’t you think it is ironic how some women complain saying they want a real man but contradict themselves by saying they wish guys would be more deep and meaningful and communicate their deepest thoughts, feelings and emotions?  Then there is the thing we are all guilty of saying to a man at some point... if you care about me or love me you will change!! 

“Give up the need to be right, and give yourself the chance to be with Mr Right”

Understanding goes both ways but the only person you have control over or can change is you! By no means is there anything wrong with girl talk, but consider the impact of doing it outside of your group of girlfriends.  To men we can speak in riddles often with no point at all and wonder why we are not getting the desired response and in some cases, no response at all. We are often dazed and confused as to why guys lose interest or attraction leaving us to wonder what on earth is wrong with us?  Why isn’t he interested and he seems so distracted?  We often blame the guys thinking it is entirely their fault... it must be since the same thing keeps happening to you with men over and over again.  Surely they are all hard wired to lose interest in a woman and get distracted at that exact same moment every time.  Failed attempt after failed attempt to connect almost drives you crazy and leaves you questioning the masculine race’s ability to understand women.  Because of this you seemingly have no choice but to blame them for their obvious disconnection from their emotions right?  Or decide it clearly must be their inability to be able to handle a mature, fully self expressed woman?  Or the biggest one of all that we convince ourselves of... it means he clearly doesn’t care about me!  That’s the logical thing to think isn’t it?  Unfortunately, as difficult as this may be to admit and accept, in all this you are the common denominator and often men are simply responding to us.  I am finally realising that all this hasn't got as much to do with the guys as first thought... it’s mostly got everything to do with US! 

"The love drug always distorts perception"

For some reason when you add emotional investment, attraction and chemistry something takes over and all sense of sanity and logic is pushed aside for the crazy rollercoaster of highs and lows.  These chemical reactions in the brain most certainly can be love but the issue is that when we feel these things it can invoke fears or an addiction to the love drug.  This in turn often causes women to turn into someone they really are not.  It makes us think like a crazy woman making stories or scenarios up in our head.  We say things we wouldn't normally say, do things we wouldn't usually do and of course beat up on ourselves in a state of regret.  I don't know about you, but I have had times when I would speak before I would think then look back and wonder what on earth was I even saying?  With emotional investment it seems like there is so much at stake, your world becomes full of miscommunication, misunderstanding, and fear of rejection while all of a sudden you are reliving your past hurts and failures all over again.  And then trying to talk to him about it in a despearte attempt to make things right!!  Let’s face it, when there is no pressure to impress or nothing to lose we are able to be calm, rational and spend less time thinking, analysing and sweating over whether or not we are doing or saying the right thing.  Our expectations are far more realistic and if our expectations aren’t met we are less likely to take it personally and more likely to be ok with the fact that we are not the centre of the universe at every moment.  Emotional investment, attraction and chemistry coupled with expectation can become a brick wall between you and men ruining any chance you have at creating or sustaining genuine partnerships.  With such investment coupled with a lack of understanding and compassion for the opposite sex it can lead to explosive and disastrous situations that can be avoided.  Are you causing men to run a mile, pushing them away or giving them no choice but to retreat to the man cave in attempt to undestand why no matter what he does you just don't seem to be happy?  By no means am I an expert in this area and trust me, I have really had to learn this one the hard way, but the thing I do know is that we have to make a choice of the type of connections we want in our lives and learn to accept and work at understanding that person’s unique approach to communicating to gain rapport and forge a deep ongoing balanced loving connection. 

"Men are responding to you"

At the end of the day, although it may seem easier to blame guys for the way they respond or don’t respond to us there really is no power in that at all.  It is a fact of life that we will do and say things that are not considered perfect by a long shot and it has become evident that changing ourselves is not the answer.  Being yourself while making the effort to connect and unnderstand yourself and others is.  The reality is that we need to take responsibility for our part while realising that some guys aren't our type, some are just right and others there may be miscommunication but they are worth working at it for.  Some guys will want to work at it and some won't but know this... when you come from a place of fear you are not being authentic and guys most often will not understand you.  But when you come from a place of acceptance, understanding and forgiveness you give yourself half a chance to create or restore quality connections through balanced and powerful communication.  We have to accept that some will leave, some lie, cheat or are abusive and should be removed from your life while some simply are not interested and as difficult as that is to accept, it is a fact of life.  On the other hand there are amazing, respectful, masculine, purpose driven men out there who would move heaven and earth just for the opportunity to communicate with you for just one moment.  Or some who would make you know he isn’t going anywhere and you are safe, accepted and loved regardless of the good times, bad times and inevitable moments of miscommunication.  Why not go all the way and say you may even find that although he doesn’t understand one bit of your girl talk, he loves that you are self expressed and quirky.  Everyone has different values, needs and willingness and ability to find a balance in relating to the opposite sex.  The key is to get to know what you want and have a man in your life who accepts the differences and is willing to work at it... because you are worth it!!