It is often said that people will give what they most want to receive themselves, espcially love. We can spend a lot of time giving to others hoping for reciprocity when a little bit of self love and giving to one’s self is all that is really needed. The Universal Law of Reciprocity says that what you give out you receive back... but the clause that I feel most of us miss, especially women is 'you only receive back if you allow yourself to do so and you must first love and value yourself to receive that which you consider love and value in return'.
It can seem at times like we are constantly giving and making most of the effort in friendships and relationships. I am not talking about keeping score, I am talking about the inner knowing and feeling that somewhere deep inside, something is a little out of whack. Giving unconditionally is something that I believe is an essential aspect of not only being a caring woman but is also in alignment with the basic human need for purpose and the inner drive to contribute to society and the world. Altruism (self-sacrifice) can be considered a noble approach but the over giver can find themselves landing in a state of narcissism (selfishness) for giving so much with little or nothing in return, usually caused by an inability of the giver to receive. Thus leading to a cycle of altruism and narcissism or times of full emotional tanks and giving to then times of empty emotional tanks which can show up as demanding from others or taking back (as much as we loath to admit it). It can be like a rollercoaster of contentment and resentment. All forms of connections serve a purpose and are great learning experiences in the never ending journey of balance and equal investment in each other. The key point here is that life can be a highway of two way traffic of giving and receiving with a reasonably smooth journey toward your destination. It can involve people who are as equally invested in your connection as you are in them even at times where it may not seem like it. We are the ones who teach people how to treat us showing them consciously and subconsciously what is acceptable or not acceptable in our realm. We have the choice whether to enforce boundaries that make others feel disempowered or gracefully stand in our power taking responsibility, being clear of our needs and communicating our boundaries to empower all involved. There is no such thing as being perfect at this but I feel it important to atleast be aware that self love and fulfilment is essential to all fulfilling partnerships.
Why do people take one way streets in life over and over again when two way streets are easier to navigate, logical and were invented for a reason? Sometimes life is like driving in the Sydney CBD where one way streets are inevitable. There are times when you are driving by yourself and keep getting caught on one way streets going in circles, becoming more and more lost, frustrated and annoyed with yourself for continuing to choose the one way streets that don't lead you anywhere. Although you desperately want to find the two way streets that will make you feel more certain about where you are going, it’s like your natural compass defaults to turn down those one way streets over and over again for what seems like no purpose at all. You begin to think being caught in this web of one way streets going nowhere fast is a waste of time and energy. You ask yourself why you didn't look at the map of life, understand it, weigh up your options and maybe even realise it’s time to start approaching things in a different way. In your annoyed state of mind, you begin blaming Sydney, Town Planning and the City Council for making these crazy one way streets and think to yourself ‘if only the city would change so that your life could be much easier’. You feel like you are always stuck, going at snail’s pace, worn out and never ever getting where you really want to go. Eventually you find yourself stranded on the side of the road with an empty fuel tank because you failed to notice the red light on the dash board telling you that you are running on empty. You have no idea how, but you forgot to fill your fuel tank for being so busy focusing on the one way streets. It feels like you just can't go on doing it anymore. In a fit or road rage you throw up your hands in resignation, hit rock bottom, blame everyone else and lash out at the people whose fault you think it is. Then as you calm down, your thoughts begin to clear, you feel remorse and regret for the way you reacted and try to fix it often with no success...until finally you see a glimmer of light. Maybe there is another way to be in life and ultimately I am the one who chose to take the one way streets. Maybe there were some lovely sights to see and new experiences I could have appreciated had I been more focused on the journey? What if it's not the outside world that is to blame? Maybe it is something I am doing or not doing that causes me to miss opportunities, end up going in circles, running out of fuel, creating drama and hitting rock bottom before I am willing to change? But what on earth can I do about it?
"Giving and receiving"
“Metaphorically navigating the streets of life”
“Equal exchange starts with you”
In considering the map of the world via which you are travelling the journey of life, seeing where you are at right now as having served a purpose in the grand scheme of things and as divinely perfect is a great place to start. Sometimes it can feel like you keep on giving and things hardly ever comes back to you. We all tend to do this at times and I am sure that most mothers would have a lot of valuable insight to contribute regarding unconditional giving to the point of empty physical and emotional tanks, how challenging it can be yet also how much it is worth it in the end. It is inevitable that for various reasons we will at times give more than we receive and sometimes will be completely ok with it and other times silently harbour or outwardly express resentment for it. Doing this is neither right or wrong or good or bad, it is an aspect of the nature of human beings. Ultimately giving and making effort in friendships and relationships is not about what you can get, it is about the exchanges between people who add to each other’s lives and enhance the human experience. It can be very easy to blame others if you are experiencing what you consider one way streets but at the end of the day, we set ourselves up for the way that people perceive us and treat us. We are the ones who often forget to put our own wellbeing first but the good news is that we have the power to choose to transform some connections through communication or let go of those that no longer fit with your values or are willing to share the journey with you equally. When you can see that it is not your fault or the fault of anyone else you are able to set yourself free to consider shifting the direction of your connections. You can begin to see that by taking care of yourself and filling your own love tanks you are able to give and love more freely without expectation. You become self fulfilling and pleasant to be around while being inspiring and uplifting to those around you. Loving yourself and doing the things that energize you, nurture your mind, body, spirit and soul will open the flood gates of abundance helping you move out of the traffic jam and onto the free flowing two way highway of love in no time at all.
“Invest in your number one asset”
Connections are like financial investments, you don’t know for a fact what the outcome will be but if you don’t invest at all; you never give yourself the chance to strike jackpot, reap any rewards or give rewards to others. You have to be in it to win it and there is an element of risk involved in anything worth working for, fighting for or investing in. These are usually the things that you appreciate and value the most. The key thing to understand is the importance of recognising a good investment when it is right in front of you and giving it a chance or when an investment is not working out, when to cut your losses, withdraw and re-invest somewhere else. No investment is ever a waste of time because even if you feel like you lost or it failed you received the gift of learning to be able to invest more wisely next time around. Being clear on what you are willing to accept or not accept from others is an essential aspect of self empowerment. Having realistic but high standards for yourself enables you to have something to work toward and creates clear boundaries to assist in making decisions regarding the way you allow yourself to be treated. Instead of focusing on just your investment in others, placing your attention on investing in you is the way you set yourself up to reap the greatest returns in life and love. You are worth working for, fighting for and investing in. Give to yourself what you so freely give to others and watch your internal and external world transform.
By surrounding yourself with others who are just as willing to invest in you as you are them is a step toward balance and remember it is an ongoing journey. The journey will consist of trial and error, communication, giving, receiving and also accepting that people come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. The only certainty you have is that you are living with yourself for the rest of your life and to invest in yourself first you are able to contribute more to others and the world. Start today by considering the things that make you happy and inspired in your hobbies, health, relationships and career and set out to do those things first. I believe that not taking care of yourself to be the best version of you for others is the true definition of being selfish. Trying to change your outer world and people around you only will cause you grief and a lot of resistance, but simultaneously transforming your inner and outer world you gradually set up your own internal and external two way free flowing highway of love. It can be difficult to put yourself first sometimes and it can take time for others to get used to it but I promise you it is worth it because you are!! Let the ongoing journey begin and always remember that your wellbeing is the best investment you will ever make. To give to yourself first you allow the ability to give outwardly more freely and are able to make a greater difference in your own life, the lives of others and in the world. In considering whether you feel loved by others, also remember that different people show love in different ways, in varying amounts and at different times. As we often give love the way we want to receive it, so do others. So when you feel at times you may not be loved or people may not care, this often means that you may not be being shown love in the way that you percieve being loved means. I promise you if you look around you, love is always there and by making yourself number one and loving yourself first while giving love to the outside world, you give others the chance to do the same right back to you...
Live and love like there is no tomorrow...
"The highway of love"
By surrounding yourself with others who are just as willing to invest in you as you are them is a step toward balance and remember it is an ongoing journey. The journey will consist of trial and error, communication, giving, receiving and also accepting that people come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. The only certainty you have is that you are living with yourself for the rest of your life and to invest in yourself first you are able to contribute more to others and the world. Start today by considering the things that make you happy and inspired in your hobbies, health, relationships and career and set out to do those things first. I believe that not taking care of yourself to be the best version of you for others is the true definition of being selfish. Trying to change your outer world and people around you only will cause you grief and a lot of resistance, but simultaneously transforming your inner and outer world you gradually set up your own internal and external two way free flowing highway of love. It can be difficult to put yourself first sometimes and it can take time for others to get used to it but I promise you it is worth it because you are!! Let the ongoing journey begin and always remember that your wellbeing is the best investment you will ever make. To give to yourself first you allow the ability to give outwardly more freely and are able to make a greater difference in your own life, the lives of others and in the world. In considering whether you feel loved by others, also remember that different people show love in different ways, in varying amounts and at different times. As we often give love the way we want to receive it, so do others. So when you feel at times you may not be loved or people may not care, this often means that you may not be being shown love in the way that you percieve being loved means. I promise you if you look around you, love is always there and by making yourself number one and loving yourself first while giving love to the outside world, you give others the chance to do the same right back to you...
Live and love like there is no tomorrow...
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